I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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