he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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