weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
