dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
