She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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