I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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