It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
