i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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