you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't deserve a penis
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
