I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
