Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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