Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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