Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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