So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
