dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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