I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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