if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
