Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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