I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize