I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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