I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
