3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Mom said you looked used
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
