And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I looked at my own cervix.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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