Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
