I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
