I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
