I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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