I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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