Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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