I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
