so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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