did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She needs sedatives and a leash
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize