Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
