There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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