So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry about my life...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
