I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
