Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
