Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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