Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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