He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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