In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
