their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
