Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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