pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
