Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
