I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
