i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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