i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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