You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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