porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
