Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
