i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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