Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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