i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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