i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize