she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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