yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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