ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
