I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
