She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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