Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
