Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
