i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
