I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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