think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
